Not in my plans!!

Well today I am on one of the “what grinds my gears” topics.   Forcing the care of your parents when you get older and are trying to have a family and make a life for yourself.  Now you’re stuck with some wrinkled crazed lunatic making demands on you that they didn’t have the forethought to handle when they were young.  The choice should be that of the child/caregiver as to whether they should have to take on this burden. And yes it’s a fucking burden to take on your parents when they could have given 2 shits less to prepare for their own future.   Some parents have spent all of their lives professionally manipulating people    (mainly their children) into doing their bidding. Many of our parents successfully carry this out in such a way as to not have to part with any gratitude what-so-ever. These old parents have  nothing to give but orders and sucking the living matter from your soul.  So everyone of us know we are getting older and will someday not be able to do things that we can do now.  So get with the freakin program and make provisions for your future, you old feet shuffling, bitter old hag.  Don’t use your age to emotionally blackmail your kids into caring for you.  Dear bejeezus you have been on your freakin death bed for the last 30 years acting all feeble and shit.  How is it that every freakin time your kids come around there is some woe is me and here is my ailment for today.  In the US forced marriages are frowned upon by society but forcing children to care for their parents, who didn’t give a shit about their kids in the first place to save for their own care as they aged, seems to be normal.  It also affords the old battle axes a cheap solution for their elderly care.  Oh and heaven forbid you ask for money from your parents  for caring for them, you will get a barrage of insults and how much you owe them for the choice they made of bringing you into this world.  See it goes something like this, early in life anything you take from your parents automatically entered you into an invisible job description that had no boundaries or time . As the next of kin you will find yourself in an impossible situation where it is assumed that you have a duty of care to look after your parents. It is a constant battle to maintain any control over your own life. I completely understand when I hear adults make this statement “ I have grown to hate my parent/s.”  You see we are groomed into caring for them as children and to never be able to escape from them or their expected demands. They will manage to present a perfect image to the world that makes them look like the WALKING WOUNDED and you look like an ungrateful child. Poor planning on another person's part, does not constitute an emergency on mine. Even if the poor planner is my own father and mother.  Stop making your daughters feel terrible because they don’t spend every waking fucking moment and holiday with you because God forbid she should ever have a life or get married and have her own children to have to tend to. And another thing, stop with this fuckin saying “ a son is a son until he takes a wife” well no fucking shit Sherlock.  He has his own family now just like you did. Quit acting like, oh I gave you life so you owe me for eternity.  I wouldn't want my children to help me in the bathroom and clean up my accidents. I wouldn't dream of it. I wouldn't dream of moving into their homes and disgusting their children with my vile accidents, drool and nuttiness. I'd much rather be placed somewhere and let them enjoy their lives!  Im sure this is going to piss a bunch of people off but many can relate and don’t want to admit it out of guilt.  I look at it this way, all that Medicare and Social Security you are getting without having any savings to cushion it, while you helped dry it up for the adults working their asses off today so they wont have it, use that for all you ailments and bitchiness. I gotta work!

 

What is aTrailer Park Trash ho?

What is a Trailer park Ho?  Well its used as a Slang term for the infamous white ho that usually lives in a trailer park.  A chain-smoking,  Welfare termite that can be found wearing Looney Tunes apparel, stone washed denim jorts with lace accents and costume jewlery that smells like a cats asshole due to their excessive amounts of uncaged animals in a 10 x 5 trailer. This ho is usually an avid QVC shopper and Schwann's consumer who puts televised shopping over the cleanliness and well-being of their illegitimate, shit-faced children. They have their own low incomes because they dont having a fucking job however, they breed devil spawns with many men so that they may lay around and spend their  child support they are receiving on things like getting their nails did, spray tanning, and wearing cut off jean jorts, instead of clothes for their kids. The trailer they live in usually is surrounded by other family members that have also reached for the stars in their oh so awesome quest for life. Reach for the stars TRASH! These skanks tend to be mouthy and fight frequently. Generally these people are uneducated and have about as much ambition as a fucking fence. Of course they will always tell everyone they model.  Move over cindy Crawford, you got some spread eagle no class trailer competition. To see these people at their best watch Jerry Springer.  However, these skanks tend to be able to get well educated men (or those you think are educated) to meander into the trailer park for a little stank action with blatant diregard for decent convictions or their own well-being, girlfriends, wives or children.  Pretty much lowering themselves to trailer level.  I guess she can get him to nail back up the underpinning (of course its the fake brick if she's really classy).  So for those of you that never knew the real meaning of trailer park ho, you now do.

Women in the Military

Ok, so I am about to tread on a subject that is going to give me some good feedback and definitely hateful feedback, especially from my female readers (I can hear the fangs clicking together collecting the venom they are about to spew on my ass).  So let me just start off by NOT apologizing for MY views and opinions and remind you that if you don’t like what I have to say, move your ass on to another blog.  Ok here goes, I am sick to death of hearing this crap from some women that “why don’t women get to do certain jobs in the military that men get to do?”  waa waa waa.  First off, shut your vag!   I am tired of the “We can do the same job as men and get paid just as much, however I want you to lower the standards for me to do it”.  Really you dingbat?”  How jacked up is that?  Women that say this kind of crap are doucheclowns!   If you think you should be able to get into certain jobs in the military then the standards should not be lowered just to suit your fat ass!  I have heard about a backlash from some women (keep in mind I am in a military town so I might be hearing more than the average person) that they cant get into “Special” military groups ie: Special forces, Rangers, Navy Seals etc. and how unfair that is and men rule the world and yada yada f@ing yada.  SHUT UP you “Joe  Jumping Skank”   The decision sent down by our, Oh so wonderful Commander in Chief, who has never served a freakin day in his life, opened up several more jobs that were not recently available to women. And these loud mouths are still not happy. Can we say, this is some of the reason for the break down of the family unit because you can shut your piehole for a second?  For those of you who need a bit more clarification on the “Why Not let women do these jobs”  Let me break it down for you and hopefully something will sink in.  Men and women are different. This may be a shock to you and those that increasingly want to blur the lines between the blatantly obvious, but there is no escaping the basic anatomy of the human body and the difference between testosterone and estrogen levels. Besides the physical differences, and for those of you that don’t know, men have and outtie and women an innie, Muscle mass, center of balance and overall average strength are all valid differences to keep women out of partiular units.

Um, and if that’s too confusing, how bout this question. How many women are currently playing in the NFL? The brutal hits, physical strength, size and physical requirements are extreme and it excludes participation of women. These same requirements limit MOST MEN from participating. Only a select few have the ability to play at that level. It is no different for frontline combat forces. There are physical requirements only a select few can demonstrate.  I can hear it now, the cellulite is quivering just to come jack slap the piss out of me. Again, shut your vag and take this into consideration. Carrying a wounded 225-pound soldier for great distances can prove to be hard for even the strongest male. The military can’t afford to lower the physical requirements of frontline forces simply to include women because some women think that its fair and everyone gets a 100 on their test because they tried.Emotions are not always a good thing ladies. If the standards were lowered, the military would be endangering other troops and creating an atmosphere of resentment amongst forces. Yeah that’s what we need, more resentment amongst ourselves.  Add to all of this the possibility of one day instituting a military draft that included women and you have a recipe for a national uproar when women are snatched out of their homes because of the draft (yes ladies, a draft would/could include your daughters). Maybe that’s “old-fashioned” thinking and who cares if it is because progress isn’t always progress. The whole issue is not one of equality, because women are certainly equal to men and should be treated as such.  It isn’t about lets chalk another one up to women’s lib and put another notch into this so called war between the sexes that WE women have created. It is simply about what is best for the U.S. military and the nation as a whole. So on that note, get your ass in the kitchen and bake some brownies for the men I want to truly protect me in a time of crisis and/or war.

Pocket Pool

Ok so I get it, every now and  then at some point every man will have to do the adjustment or scratch, most likely at the most inopportune times, to make their man parts more comfortable to lug around for the remainder of the day. Most men will even try to create a diversion of some sort when they are around others to do a quick tug, pull or scratch.  And that is appreciated! I will have to admit, I am not an expert in the tug and pull area but I am mature enough to know that most men know that playing pocket pull incessantly is not acceptable in most venues so, Why Why WHY do some men instinctively and obsessively reach down and touch his wiener every 45 seconds? Of course the answer is, “Oh it was my leg” or “I had an itch”. Really!?  You are tugging so hard you are openly gyrating and maneuvering that your pants are up your ass crack, like your ass has gone ape shit hungry and is just gobbling up your pants. Are we not supposed to notice this dance of the dick tug, while we are talking to you? Maybe they are just resting their hands there as some sort of shield from the earth and its elements or fear the wiener monster will come and snatch it. Maybe I’m wrong but I thought this is why we as a country have underwear and also pants?

The worst part of this is that he KNOWS women hate this and some of us will tell them that this is not ok all the time but he does not care.  If you know the man that does this and want to talk to him about it the conversation usually goes like this:

GUY: scratch scratch touch touch tug tug hold
Girl:  please don’t grab your weiner
GUY: I didn’t.
Girl: You did. I’m a lady and this makes me uncomfortable
GUY: *Rolls eyes* (you knew that was coming)
Girl: I SAID I WAS A F-ING LADY AND DON’T F-ING SCRATCH YOUR STUPID BALLS IN MY FACE.
GUY: Fine.
45 seconds pass
GUY: scratch scratch touch touch tug tug hold

Ok so for that 25% of men that love pocket pool, please we are begging you to not reach for your wein hole around us or anyone else for that matter. For Christ’s sake have some freakin control about yourself. Nope, I don’t want a sandwich with your fumunda cheese laden fingers and stop trying to shake my hand after you have gone all polishing your Shillelagh right in front of me.  F-ing gross.  What if women did that in public? Like grabbed our vag whenever we felt like it? We have a crevice you know, which is worse than protruding body parts. Things go in the crevice like the stupid THONGS that men require us to wear that never ever fit right (thank you Victoria Secret). But you don’t see us digging in there every 45 seconds do you? No because we have societal rules that say this is not the best idea so we exhibit self control.

You my friend have loose, soft fabric that skims whatever is going on down there. If you have an itch that reappears with this sort of frequency, I say you have the doctor step in because it’s NOT NORMAL OR OK. Stop making the whole male gender look like a bunch of ignorant, disgusting a-holes.

Stupid Kid Shows

What the hell is up with Kids Shows these days? Screw water boarding and vicious dogs biting at my head- true torture is Barney, Dora, Strawberry Shortcake, Veggie Tales and any Disney shit that they keep bombarding us with. By the way if you’re a grown up watching Disney shit and you are not accompanied by your demon spawn or someone else’s then, well honey I just have no words for the likes of you and your screwed mental childlike state. Anywho, I am totally ok with never getting to know the new mind burning -make- me -lose -my -shit- kid shows.  No seriously- I can’t tolerate the sing-song voices, special moral lessons, bitches telling me to share and everyone in your class deserves a cupcake doucheclownery. Listen here, Dora with your Big Blue Bridge, Shiny Shimmer Shack and Racing River, you get your own wine and Xanax you little monkey fucking hooker and when I want some how -to-make-friends advice from a stupid giant, purple no less, dinosaur,  – I’ll buy a ticket to Jurassic Park and try my luck with a T-Rex? Know what I would do if some darling child I was in charge of asked me to watch Dora? Stab myself in the jugular and spray that selfish little brat in a bath of shame and guilt called splatter art.

Marcie, You are missed!!!

                  
                                                                Marcie Pietras  

February 27, 1981- June 27, 2012

                            Rest in Peace my beautiful funny friend.  I Miss you and Love you!

Sample Break up letter

A letter to your soon to be ex.... Feel free to use as a template.  and you're welcome.

Dear Fuckwad!

I'm writing you this letter/email because I think our relationship has run its course. Do you realize that you're a total loser? Probably not, you don’t realize much. I can't believe how selfish you are. Relationships are supposed to be about sharing, you fuck and your arrogance seems to have no limits; it's as if you think you're actually somebody. I know you'll probably tell everyone that you dumped me, because you're a HUGE lying sack o’ shit. But everyone knows that already, so they won't believe you. It might be hard for you to believe, but one thing I can tell you for sure: you really need to work on your skills in bed. I mean, you're just plain bad at sex. You know, a little respect can go a long way. But the amount of respect you give me is only enough for ME to go a long way. A long way away from you, douchebag. You need to get your shit together and clean yourself up. I mean how fucking hard is it to put your dirty underwear in the laundry machine and wash a few dishes now and again? Frankly, you just don't care enough about me. Luckily I care enough about me to make up for it, by saying goodbye to you. Here's some food for thought: you're an asshole! It's not easy to carry on a successful relationship with someone like you. And by that, I mean someone who is downright stupid, you feebleminded dimwit. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to point out that you're pure evil, a characteristic that most people do NOT appreciate. You might want to work on that! Unfortunately for you, this relationship is becoming too serious for my tastes. And as if that wasn't enough, you have to blame me for your stupid ass actions! Hello, take some personal responsibility for being a fucktard! Now it's my turn to be the critic. I give you one thumb up: stick it up your ass! All that whining like a bitch has worked, assuming your intent was to get rid of me. You're an irresponsible whiney-ass fagbag, and I just don't want to put up with the consequences of your decisions anymore. What really breaks the deal is your horrible grammar. Srsly d00d, learn 2 rite a sentance! What a tard! and you went to college and got a degree.  WTH???

Sorry, but you're not even worth keeping as a friend. Give me back my stuff, I don't want you coming around here anymore. I never want to see you again, jerkface! Stay away from me or I will round house kick your dumb ass in your giant walnut shaped head. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over

 Fuck off you piece of shit.

FYI

The opinions expressed on this blog are my own and sometimes that of my twisted friends and relatives, sometimes that of Vodka or Wine and rarely that of rage fueled by PMS (Seriously, I am this way on a normal day). Which leads me to this: I tell it how I see it; I am UNFILTERED and not politically correct. I am addicted to sweet tea, coffee and chocolate. If you get offended, by all means, leave a comment or click over to some boring underwater basket weaving blog. If you feel brave enough to personally attack me or a fan of this blog, I will rain down a very public verbal tongue lashing on you that even your puss bone will feel it . I’m here to vent and have a few giggles; not deal with mean ass bitches.  If I have written something that offends you, don’t read it over and over and leave some self righteous comment about what a horrible person I am. Don’t tug on that thread or you may unravel a blanket of whoop-ass.  I’m just saying, enjoy, hope you laugh and don’t take life or me so serious!

Early Skankers!

Stop letting your daughter dress like such a fucking whore, she's 14 years old for chrissake. Take off the high heels and quit whoring out your future rebound tramp like there is no tomorrow. The high heels and make up cant cover ugly and definitely shows that your moral concern for you 14 year old is at the lower end of the totem pole. Jesus fucking christ. All you parents are doing is reminding them that at an age where their skin should be in the best shape to not have to wear make up that they need to in order to look better.  And that may definitely be true because the combo of the parents looks may need more than make up for improvement. Pretty much still in favor of couples having to go through a mandated can we breed process.  And what’s wrong with you parents that allow your middle schooler to wear high heels?  Really hello the street corner is calling. And there are plenty of pedophiles out there just waiting for the opportunity to pick up your 8^th grader in hooker heels.  These are the parents that are the first ones that are wondering why skankleigh ran off with the first boy that said anything to her and then act surprised.  Hey Dad, step up and act like a dad.  Your daughter is NOT your friend, she is your daughter. Christ have mercy .. what kind of society do we live in, where little girls can't even be little girls anymore?! What kind of parent allows their 13/14 year old to dress up in inappropriate attire, lets her paint her face up like a miniature harlot and then let her display herself like a pedigree dog?  Oh it must be for Eddie the pedophile that’s gonna make a great son in law.  There are loads of sicko pervo pedophiles out there only looking for one thing, and you are essentially handing it to those scumbags on a silver platter. .Let me just politely point out something here, when your child, yes child, because middle school graduations are for CHILDREN! please do us all a favor and do not let her dress as though she is stopping by before she heads over to the porn star convention. I’m just saying, if her dress is so tight and short that I can see the bottom of her ass cheeks when she walks, or stumbles on stage to get her “8^th grade certificate” , then her dress and shoes are not for a family centered function.

Can’t we all agree to at least let our kids get through high school before they look like mini-hookers?

Yeah,  you thought you had a Knight in Shining Armor, turns out he's just a douchebag in tin foil.