I sent this letter to my family and friends for 2011
Merry Christmas, from the "S-----" Family 2011 (NOT your typical holiday letter)
Well, we made it through another year. It hasn’t been bad… certainly not wonderful. Here are some highlights:
We are married, still, but just barely. (Thank God for the guest room.) If it wasn’t for that #@!%^&# verdict, and Darrin’s parole officer’s — BITCH! — “strong advice” that he not be left alone again, he’d be in Vegas. We see each other as often as necessary, but when you put your mind to it, it doesn’t have to be that much. I’m at the dogtrack most days, and Darrin spends days at a local bar with some of his friends from the “inside.” Brandon does surprisingly well as a ‘latchkey’ kid.
Darrin’s job is… well..it’s a job. What the heck do you want? Paradise? He hates it still, but who wouldn’t? He’d quit, but then who’d pay for necessities like cable and the Budweiser? And the months/weeks away helps with the marital strife.
I’m “between jobs” again. (Darrin says: I think you oughta call a spade a spade and call yourself a lazy, good-for-nothin’ piece of …. But if I want to say I’m “between opportunities” It’s no skin off his back.) We have decided to refinance our home to pull all the cash out to stock up on the vodka we will need to survive the holiday season.
On our visit to Georgia, my sister Linda said she still worked at the “ law firm” but I cant help but question if she’s really doing that or just trafficking in illegal substances. If that is the case we are hoping she would be so kind as to give us a discount. Then there is my sister in-law, Sharon, who has started her own business and has proceeded to climb the corporate ladder. We are so grateful that someone in the family took the right avenue in life and was sleeping her way to the top. My brother Chuck "God love him" is still remodeling his trailer for him and his girlfriend (whom we lovingly call our sister in-law) and the six children that they had out of wedlock. "I really hope they have a couple more of those things they can not afford." I mean how much government cheese can one family stand?
We went to see Darrin’s family in $#%@$$-ing Florida. If we didn’t already feel bad enough about ourselves, Darrin’s folks pretty much finished the job. Without our knowledge, Brandon spent the whole time there in a “adult novelty and gambling casino” shop which his loser uncle took him to, and now has a vocabulary you wouldn’t believe. If we weren’t so buzzed on his Aunt Pat’s homebrew we would have been really ticked off. And his mom gave us all food poisoning, which at least one of us thinks was done on purpose. At least we “got away alive.”
Brandon is doing ok, I guess. He is still in school, which sorta makes us both proud. Hey! Not everybody is gonna be at the top of the class. Having kids, as you may know, is no picnic. All I can say is that if I have to take another whining-never-say-thank-you kid to another friggin’ football game I’m gonna put a fork in my eye.
School is bull #$@&. Thanks to the principal’s new %#$%@ Health and Fitness campaign, our son came home harping on our quitting our Marlboro “habit.” Habit? Heck… those little fire sticks give us joy in a world dead set against it. We’ve paid taxes for years — or at least since we were caught — and I’d ask that ^%$#@$ principal to stop brainwashing my kid against us, thank you very much. Health and fitness in school? Next thing you know they’ll be teaching him science and history and crap.
Seriously, we are doing very well. Surprisingly well. We’re happily married (17 yrs). Everybody is healthy and content. I am working at an agency I truly love. Darrin is a Sergeant Major (E-9). Brandon is 15, healthy, very smart, handsome and is an awesome football player!
And we all enjoy having family & friends like you. (I hope this gave you all a chuckle during this stressful holiday season). Tis the season to drink straight from the bottle!
Merry Christmas, Darrin, Denise & Brandon
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