Stupid Kid Shows

What the hell is up with Kids Shows these days? Screw water boarding and vicious dogs biting at my head- true torture is Barney, Dora, Strawberry Shortcake, Veggie Tales and any Disney shit that they keep bombarding us with. By the way if you’re a grown up watching Disney shit and you are not accompanied by your demon spawn or someone else’s then, well honey I just have no words for the likes of you and your screwed mental childlike state. Anywho, I am totally ok with never getting to know the new mind burning -make- me -lose -my -shit- kid shows.  No seriously- I can’t tolerate the sing-song voices, special moral lessons, bitches telling me to share and everyone in your class deserves a cupcake doucheclownery. Listen here, Dora with your Big Blue Bridge, Shiny Shimmer Shack and Racing River, you get your own wine and Xanax you little monkey fucking hooker and when I want some how -to-make-friends advice from a stupid giant, purple no less, dinosaur,  – I’ll buy a ticket to Jurassic Park and try my luck with a T-Rex? Know what I would do if some darling child I was in charge of asked me to watch Dora? Stab myself in the jugular and spray that selfish little brat in a bath of shame and guilt called splatter art.