The Grocery Store

 

I was at the grocery store once again (I seem to live there but when you have a 16 year old, 5'11 190lb son ya kinda have to) anywho, this woman, and I use that term loosely, kept eye balling me. She would follow me to every aisle and just stare and give me the scowl look and evil eye.  So I,  totally doing the mental checklist: Do I have a booger? Did I start my period and now my  tan pants are ruined? Maybe my boob escaped. Shit, is my thong showing? Maybe I got my stank on. After a frenzy of super secret private eye spot checking myself, I finally figured it out. Me: 120 lbs, 5'4" inches tall, rocking a cool outfit and having an epic hair day (rare but today was one of them). Her: 220 lbs,  tall, wearing the “I gave up a long time ago" sweat pant/grungy t-shirt ensemble with house shoes and having an “I haven’t washed my hair in a month” day. Yes, that’s what it was. Bitch didn’t like the smell and look of AWESOME. My entire outfit cost me $50 so it’s not like I spent the day rolling around at Macys. I did, however, bring along my personal dignity.

We all have those days when  we venture out into society and don’t even have the energy to brush our teeth. I get that- I do it on occasion (but cleverly disguised in a ball cap and sunglasses). But why the evil eye and scowl? How about a high-five and let’s sneak over to the wine aisle and “sample” the goods. Have a little woman to woman I hate everything and men bitch-a-thon. Seriously, don’t make me drop kick your skank ass. I could so do it even only being 5'4". I over came my  urge to punch this skank in the grill and instead politely informed her that I appreciated her admiring me at every turn but I feel I should let her know that I don’t date women. Amazingly, I did not see her again after that.  Amazing how a few kind words can get the desired result!