Shaving sux!

I  freakin hate shaving. When The Man is out of town or its winter I totally skip it and run around like a gnarled up alley cat. Pits and legs go all Buckwheat in a headlock because the only one thats gonna see that shit is my dog and she aint got a whole lot to say about unwanted hair.  Let’s be honest shaving the netherregion is just damn dangerous. There you are with one leg propped up on the tub, slippery ass soap in one hand and sharp razor in another. Really? When did this ingenious plan become a good idea?

Not only are you trying to avoid looking like a Michael Myers vs. ChiaPet crime scene,  you can’t see because the water and shampoo is burning your freakin eyeballs out of their sockets. You got one leg hiked up on the side of the tub as you procede to keep your balance on one foot on the slippery ass tub where it is most apparent that all the "cleaning products" have decided to conspire together to make you fall on your cellulite ridden fatass. Bam... crash... grown! 

Any pride you thought you might have left and could gather back together, just flew out the damn window when your man decided to bust in the door because he heard a big LOUD noise when you smashed your fatass on the cold tile while pulling down the shower curtain, pretty much recreating the Psycho scene, without all the blood.

You certainly dont have the presence of mine to suck your gut in and flip your tit back over your shoulder while he laughs his ass off at you because even in this situation you have the thought process that he may see your gut or boob lying in a position that will make him go running for the hills.

Then he’ll try to be helpful and suggest you get a Brazilian Wax to avoid any future misshaps or psycho scene re-enactments. M'kay what an awesome idea let me have Inga from the ole depilatory joint basically remove my ass toupee with hot molten wax.  Hmm sounds delightful!   and I will surely take that into account just as soon as you let me use my dull tweezers to pluck your ballsack hair out one by one.